


Calling your name in the midnight hour

by ClarasTeaCup



Category: CLARE Cassandra - Works, Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Jealousy, One Shot, Post-Lady Midnight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 13:32:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6241159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClarasTeaCup/pseuds/ClarasTeaCup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Lady Midnight. SPOILERS. <br/>Julian reflects on what happened between Emma and him in the Institue garden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calling your name in the midnight hour

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> my first Shadowhunter based story because damn, Cassandra Clare killed me with this book.  
> Emma and Julian own my heart. Just thinking about these two idiots breaks my heart. 
> 
> So I started writing this. I don't even know where I was going with this, just really wanted to write in Julians perspective.

* * *

_Calling your name in the midnight hour_  
_Reaching for you from the endless dream_  
_So many miles between us now_  
_But you are always here with me_

 

* * *

 

Julian still didn't understand what happened in the garden. Even now, couple of hours later, standing in the kitchen cooking pancakes for everyone, his thoughts were in a daze.

What had so suddenly gotten into Emma that she changed her mind about their relationship?  
Was it something Jem and Tessa had said? Or something that happened at Johnny Rook's home? What made his usually so fearless _Parabatai_ so scared that she wanted to shove him away so brutally?

He knew that his plan to runaway with her had been stupid, Emma was right, he'd never leave the children. Not when they relied so strongly on him.  
But they could have make it work. Somehow they could have, Julian was sure.

They could have met in their secret spot, down by the beach, the odds of someone discovering them were so slim, it would have worked.  
Hell, even stolen kisses, every now and then inside the Institute would have been possible if they were careful, and had a second to themselves.  
There was a reason why the doors had locks. None of his sibling would come inside his private room in his studio. They knew it was forbidden to them.

Even if Dru, Tavvy or the Twins would catch them, Julian believed that they'd keep it to themselves. They would never call the Clave on them, they would never do anything to hurt him or Emma.  
He wouldn't be surprised if they didn't already know that his feeling for Emma were more than their _Parabatai_ relationship allowed.

But Emma was so incredibly stubborn, once she set her mind to something she would pull through with it.  
Normally, Julian was glad they shared this characteristic, it helped him through so many situations, but now he cursed it silently under his breath.  
How could he even try convince her to give them a try if she didn't want to sneak around and keep it a secret?

The steps of his youngest sister approaching him pulled Julian out of his head space.

“Jules, is dinner ready soon? I'm starving!”

He swallowed his bitter thoughts for now and once again put on a smile for his family, pretending that everything was alright.

“In about 5 minutes, why don't you get everyone?”

Dru nodded and left the kitchen screaming their siblings names.

Julian had to admit, he dreaded dinner. For once he would like to be the not responsible one, to simply hide out in his studio and work out all of his emotion and pain, to not be the one who had to do the cooking and cleaning, but instead he had to sit on the big dinning table and listen to the endless bubble of chatter and energy, of the people around him.

Soon the kitchen filled and his younger brothers and sisters, together with the Rook kid, as well as Cristina and Diego, sat down in their seats.  
Only missing Emma and his older brother Mark.

Julian briefly wondered if Emma would skip dinner, simply to avoid facing him, but dismissed this thought instantly, Emma might didn't want to face him right now, but she would.  
She wouldn't want to raise suspicion to worry the children that she and Julian had been arguing and she'd also never mistreat their _Parabatai_ bond like that. It was their job to rely on each other.

He had poured Tavy some apple juice as the sound of a high pitched giggle and a low chuckle filled the room.  
Julian recognized the voice instantly, but the sound felt strange and foreign in his ears.

Emma never giggled, never, unless she had to put on an act to catch some demon. Whenever she laughed, truly laughed a rich melodic sound filled his ears.  
This definitely wasn't it, this was a fake giggle to throw him off.  
Julian glanced at Emma and his glance turned into a stare when he noticed that she not only laughed at some stupid joke Mark made, but that her hands were wrapped in Marks, who looked at her in an adoring manner. His grip tightened around his brothers glass, almost shattering it in the process, as he watched them take the empty seats that were as far away from him as possible.

The sharp stung of hot and bitter jealousy hit him in the chest, just like Diego's arrow did.  
They continued whispering in hushed voices and Julian could see from afar that Mark had rested his left hand on her tights.

Watching his _Parabatai_ and brother talking so intimate made him feel sick.  
Emma had told him that there was nothing going on between her and his brother, but suddenly he wasn't so sure if he could trust her word any longer.  
With a defeated huff he stood up, tossed his dinner into the trash and turned back the table to ask the Twins to tidy up the room after they had finished dinner and then left the room, closing the door behind him.

For a few moments he hold still, leaned against the hard, closed wood door and gave into the pain.  
He heard quiet voices from his family, discussing what just happened and if Emma wasn't going to follow him outside.  
Emma's voice was loud and clear, without a hint of emotion.

“No, it's okay. It was a rough day for all of us. Jules just needs time to rest properly. Don't worry, Mark and I'll help you do the dishes.”

Julian pushed himself off the hard surface and started walking.

Lost in his jealous thoughts he had wandered through the Institute until he found himself in his studio.

He grabbed a blank canvas and started pouring his heart and emotions into it. Hard strokes, soft strokes, paint splashes like the blood of his enemies, just all out into the open.

Julian didn't know how much time has passed, but by the time he put his brush away he was exhausted and could barely keep his own weight up.  
The sun high on the horizon, almost blending him.  
For the first time, since he started painzing Julian stepped away and looked at his work.

The canvas was glowing in shades of gold, red and black. Centered three figures. Two of them, a delicate woman painted in gold and a man in striking red, tightly pressed against each other, dancing passionately and the other figure, another guy, painted in angry black strokes, trying to claw off the woman hands of her dancing partner, to force the woman into his own arms.  
The three figures were surrounded by a great gray mass of a laughing and pointing crowd that was entertained by the tragic figures in front of them.

Julian wanted to laugh, hysterically.  
Even with Emma trying to hurt him, trying to push him away, she was still the focus of his art.  
The golden woman, the center of attention.

Suddenly Julian knew. He knew he could endure it. He would be happy for her and his brothers relationship, because he knew that it was Emma's desperate way of showing him how afraid she was.  
He knew that they would find a way to be together eventually.  
He'd search for it and _by the Angel_ , he would not stop until he found a way.  

 

* * *

 

 _Nobody knows why_  
_Nobody knows how and_  
_This feeling begins just like a spark_  
_Tossing and turning inside of your heart_  
_Exploding in the dark_

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this little something.
> 
> Also if you want you can check out my Emma/Julian playlist on 8tracks (Emma and Julian // War of Hearts): https://8tracks.com/leniiloud/emma-julian-war-of-hearts/edit  
> 


End file.
